Completely, utterly, at once. It must have been a slow process, but I remember it as a lightning strike, something that just beamed on me on day. It became evident all of a sudden. It was crystal clear.
I have the feeling I am losing faith again. Another kind of faith, one that believers might say is not even faith at all. It is a queezy feeling, if any. Guts churned at times, a faint sickness and a hopelessness that just sits in. Like a scene you'd close your eyes on because you realize you just don't want to remember it. You don't want to be part of it, or it to be part of you. I'm losing faith, we'll see where it takes me.